Happy Holiday

It is important that we remember what Fridays are all about. Fridays are holidays on which we are all supposed to remember our Pirate heritage. Grab your wench, and grog and drink like a Pirate as it is demanded by the FSM!

Do what you can to fight global warming by dressing and/or talking like a Pirate!

I did my part and was rewarded by the FSM when I proposed to my wench in full Pirate attire! She said yes and the FSM did touch us with hiis noodly appendage!

Arrrrgh!

Arrgh I say unto you!

Be one with the FSM! Eat up all your Ramen and grow closer to Him in His communion! He will take favor on you and guide you!

FSM Prophet

Happy Holiday everyone!!

Drink like a Pirate! Arrrgh!

FSM Prophet

December 21, 2012

Arrgh I say unto you!

By now, I'm sure you have heard about the Mayan Prophecies surrounding 2012. I have been doing some thinking regarding the issue, but first some background in case you are clueless as to the growing conspiracies surrounding the date.

The Mayan's were one of the first civilizations to develop an intricate and highly advanced calander system, based on star movements/patterns and generations of observations. They developed a short calander (based around the number 260) and a long calender. The Mayans had a very different opinion of time than we have grown to believe. As opposed to Western thought's linear progression of time, the Mayans believed time to be more cyclic, with the world and universe progression through a series of eras.

The Mayan long calender ends on the modern date of December 21, 2012 (the winter solstice). According to their predictions, the Earth and Sun will be in perfect alignment with the center of the Milky Way Galaxy on this date. Many have speculated that this will be the end of the world, while others have speculated that it will be a time of re-birth or a golden age of man.

I am here to set the record straight. The Mayans were correct. December 21, 2012 will be a significant date and a shift in the modern paradigm of the human condition. On this date, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in His noodly glory, will descend upon the earth and appear before His subjects. At this time, those that have served Him by returning to their Pirate ways, will receive their noodly reward (specifically a luxury ship and many chests of booty to pass out to small children). Those that have been blind to the truth, will be convinced and repentant. They, now having converted to the truth, will serve as deck hands on above mentioned ships. They are not being punished, but rather converted.

Are you ready for 2012? Have you thought about the Truth? Do you want your own ship or to clean the decks of others? Now is the time to give yourself over to the FSM and become one of His beloved Pirates! Think about it...

FSM Prophet

Another "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"

Arrgh I say unto you!

As promised, I will go through another "I'd Really Rather You Didn't."

"6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):

A. Ending Poverty

B. Curing Diseases

C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable"

The FSM believes in charitable action and encourages His subjects to act on those beliefs. Those who have should help the have-nots! After all, we are encouraged to behave more like the Pirates of old.

Pirates have always been well known for their charitable and philanthropic behavior. The first Pirates would often pass out candy to young children (a practice that led to the modern day Halloween) and would aid thy neighbor whenever possible. They believed in minding their own business, unless of course anothers business was "being in need," in which case the Pirates would share their booty.

Poverty and world hunger are a world problem that could easily be fixed with a good plate of pasta! In fact, these infomercials we see on television, talking about being able to feed a hungry kid for less than a dollar a day are lies. We could feed multiple children for a dollar a day (assuming we weren't paying for the money hungry CEO's of these "not-for-profits"). The going rate of Ramen Noodles is what, $0.16/meal? At that rate, we could feed 5 children for a dollar a day!!! 5!!!

I say unto you, being inspired by His Noodly Goodness, go forth and spread the wealth and donate a pack of Ramen noodles to these third-world countries and do your part to end world hunger. Take you're excess beer money and give these children some pasta goodness! Be like the Pirates of old and you will receive your reward from the FSM: ending global warming. For when you act like a Pirate, you become a Pirate, and the world temperature will drop accordingly.

FSM Prophet

His Noodly Guidance

Arrgh I say unto you!

Long ago, Pirates used to use the stars to help them navigate the seas. It has often been believed that the artists for the star maps were guided by the FSM. Today, we do not use star maps to navigate, as we have become landlocked after falling from our Pirate ways.

Nevertheless, the FSM in His infinite wisdom and understanding for our lazy ways still continues to guide us. The modern day navigation systems, GPS (Garmin, Tom-tom, etc.) are in fact a direct link to His noodly guidance.

We have been lied to however. We have been led to believe that the GPS systems are functioning through satellites in space. I offer this alternative theory:

How many satellites does it take to "triangulate" a position on the planet? It takes at least 3, or that is what we have been led to believe. I offer that the guidance is not satellite provided but instead from His Noodly Appendages.

The mighty FSM does not want us to fall away from our desire to explore and navigate the planet, and fearing that we have been becoming to settled, has provided us with navigational means of travel. His Noodly Appendages allow us to find the nearest BWW or gas station, and can even show us the route to distant relatives homes.

Oh how He is Great!!

FSM Prophet

Holes in the Word of the FSM

Arrgh I say unto you!

Any of you who may have done even the slightest bit of research into what the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is may have noticed that there are some holes in some of the logic and/or doctrines.

I ask you to examine any form of religion out there today, go through the extent of their religious doctrines and make a claim with 100% certainty that there are no contradictions or holes.

The FSM in His desire for us to seek the truth(as opposed to blind following) put these there to test our faith. We do know that the FSM is omniscient, invisible, and can pass through all matter at will. We also know that there are flimsy moral standards to following Him. He leaves it up to us to seek the truth, not just believe what we are told.

I challenge those of you out there to try us out for 30 days. If you don't like us, chances are that your God will take you back! Are you up to the challenge? If not, its ok. Some people like being told what to think. To each his own.

FSM Prophet

May you be touched by His Noodley Appendage!

FSM Prophet

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Arrgh I say unto you!

As many of you know (but I realize that some of you may not), Fridays are religious holidays for Pastafarians. So, what does that mean?

Fridays are days that those who follow the FSM take as days of enjoyment, spending time with their wenches, drinking grog, and practicing an overall general merriment. Fridays are meant to be spent in full Pirate (the FSM's chosen people) regalia. So get dressed, drunk, and merry!

Be aware, however, that others may not be quite used to seeing people dressed as Pirates and may give you some funny looks. It's okay. This is a perfect time to educate others as to our beliefs. Be further aware that there are some out there that may get hostile when explaining our overall belief system and loose moral values. Take special precaution when discussing FSMism with "Born Again" Christians, and Christian Athletes (who are typically much stronger and a ton more mean than the normal person). Also remember that our religion is one of peace and one that rejects religious dogma, so don't go spreading your own version of dogma to others. Merely focus on the hard facts as to why we believe the way we do.

When spreading the good word of the FSM, you may want to consider:

1. The evidence that points toward the relationship between global warming and the decreasing number of pirates.

2. The influence that the FSM had on the development of the theory of Evolution (which is totally wrong).

3. The similarities we share with other organized religions in that we also believe in Intelligent Design (coming from the FSM), and lastly

4. Strong descriptions of our Heaven which is full of stripper factories (male stripper factories for the ladies) and beer volcanoes and how bad ass cool that is!!

In summary, enjoy the holiday and take the chance to remember our Pirate roots and spread the word about the noodly FSM!!

FSM Prophet

What sets us apart

Arrrgh I say unto you,

Recently, there was a post on Facebook about one of the blog posts from this blog. Here is the quote:

“Wow. I just read possibly the most ignorant blog post ever. I'm all for sharing your opinion with anyone willing to listen, but please, for the betterment of humanity, please make sure you are relying on legit facts, not radical assumptions or inferences. Usually they are just comments made for ratings. And read over your post before you publish; it just does not help your case when you can't use proper grammer."

One of the things the Church of the FSM stands for is tolerance and empirical data to support our ideals. One of the 8 I'd Rather You Didn'ts of Pastafarianism is "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject."

Therefore, I will not comment further on the matter. Just know to all of you who follow the great FSM, you are not alone. I will continue to post further I'd Rather You Didn'ts so as to spread the good work of the FSM.

Until then, be well and go forth and plunder!!

The End or the Beginning?

Arg! I say to you,

These times are a dangerous for those who follow the FSM! As we continue through the new millineum, we are attacked in a nation of free religion! Piracy is considered a crime and the only pirates left are those that bootleg major motion pictures and/or attack US ships off the coast of Somolia!

Inspired by the FSM, I say we fight back! Let us rally! We must stand together and reclaim our rights. Let us set sail, away from these bigots and go out in search of the FSM.

He has spoken to me. He has told me of the time that he will appear before the masses, waving His appendages and whipping those that oppose Him. Global warming is merely the first example of His wrath. To follow will be famine and disease, wiping out all tomato plants and starving the world of unbelievers! Only those that keep Fridays holy and midgets (those most in favor) will be spared.

I say to you:

Keep to your loose moral standards

Only wear Pirate garb while spreading the word of the FSM

Keep Fridays holy and,

Above all, praise the midgets and mimic them that you might also gain the favor of the most holy and appendagy Flying Spaghetti Monster!

FSM Prophet

What is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is a peaceful, empirically proven religion that promotes scientific reason and explanation. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

There are a few premises to the church:

1. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the Creator

2. Evolution is promoted and influenced by His appendages

3. No major wars have been fought in this religion's name

4. The FSM is invisible and influences all

5. It is a welcoming religion to anyone!

A few of the things that the FSM Church believes:

A. Every Friday is a Religious Holiday

B. Flimsy moral standards

C. Our heaven is WAY better. We’ve got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano

For more information about the Church of the FSM, please visit:

http://www.venganza.org/

FSM Prophet

Argg I say unto you!

Recently, I have been blessed by the presence of my most noodly Creator, the Flying Spaghetti Monster. I have been charged with a quest; to witness to His glory.

It started last night in a dream. I was wandering down a path through a dark wood, surrounded by winding and twisting tree branches, when something caught mine eye. Amidst entanglement not more than 6 feet from mine head was He.

Before I could react, an appendage extended and did touch mine eye. The eye immediately disappeared and I could not describe how distraught I felt, when a second appendage draped mine head with an eye patch!

Startled, I thought to flee. Before I could escape, He grabbed me and pulled me towards Him. Overcome with fear but completely helpless, I had no choice but to succumb. It was then that He spoke to me!

"You wilt go forth and spread mine word for all to hear!"

I was released, and proud to have been chosen as His prophet!

This is the word of the FSM! I will be his vessel, for through me His word will be made known!