His Noodly Guidance

Arrgh I say unto you!

Long ago, Pirates used to use the stars to help them navigate the seas. It has often been believed that the artists for the star maps were guided by the FSM. Today, we do not use star maps to navigate, as we have become landlocked after falling from our Pirate ways.

Nevertheless, the FSM in His infinite wisdom and understanding for our lazy ways still continues to guide us. The modern day navigation systems, GPS (Garmin, Tom-tom, etc.) are in fact a direct link to His noodly guidance.

We have been lied to however. We have been led to believe that the GPS systems are functioning through satellites in space. I offer this alternative theory:

How many satellites does it take to "triangulate" a position on the planet? It takes at least 3, or that is what we have been led to believe. I offer that the guidance is not satellite provided but instead from His Noodly Appendages.

The mighty FSM does not want us to fall away from our desire to explore and navigate the planet, and fearing that we have been becoming to settled, has provided us with navigational means of travel. His Noodly Appendages allow us to find the nearest BWW or gas station, and can even show us the route to distant relatives homes.

Oh how He is Great!!

FSM Prophet

Holes in the Word of the FSM

Arrgh I say unto you!

Any of you who may have done even the slightest bit of research into what the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster is may have noticed that there are some holes in some of the logic and/or doctrines.

I ask you to examine any form of religion out there today, go through the extent of their religious doctrines and make a claim with 100% certainty that there are no contradictions or holes.

The FSM in His desire for us to seek the truth(as opposed to blind following) put these there to test our faith. We do know that the FSM is omniscient, invisible, and can pass through all matter at will. We also know that there are flimsy moral standards to following Him. He leaves it up to us to seek the truth, not just believe what we are told.

I challenge those of you out there to try us out for 30 days. If you don't like us, chances are that your God will take you back! Are you up to the challenge? If not, its ok. Some people like being told what to think. To each his own.

FSM Prophet

May you be touched by His Noodley Appendage!

FSM Prophet

Happy Holidays Everyone!!

Arrgh I say unto you!

As many of you know (but I realize that some of you may not), Fridays are religious holidays for Pastafarians. So, what does that mean?

Fridays are days that those who follow the FSM take as days of enjoyment, spending time with their wenches, drinking grog, and practicing an overall general merriment. Fridays are meant to be spent in full Pirate (the FSM's chosen people) regalia. So get dressed, drunk, and merry!

Be aware, however, that others may not be quite used to seeing people dressed as Pirates and may give you some funny looks. It's okay. This is a perfect time to educate others as to our beliefs. Be further aware that there are some out there that may get hostile when explaining our overall belief system and loose moral values. Take special precaution when discussing FSMism with "Born Again" Christians, and Christian Athletes (who are typically much stronger and a ton more mean than the normal person). Also remember that our religion is one of peace and one that rejects religious dogma, so don't go spreading your own version of dogma to others. Merely focus on the hard facts as to why we believe the way we do.

When spreading the good word of the FSM, you may want to consider:

1. The evidence that points toward the relationship between global warming and the decreasing number of pirates.

2. The influence that the FSM had on the development of the theory of Evolution (which is totally wrong).

3. The similarities we share with other organized religions in that we also believe in Intelligent Design (coming from the FSM), and lastly

4. Strong descriptions of our Heaven which is full of stripper factories (male stripper factories for the ladies) and beer volcanoes and how bad ass cool that is!!

In summary, enjoy the holiday and take the chance to remember our Pirate roots and spread the word about the noodly FSM!!

FSM Prophet

What sets us apart

Arrrgh I say unto you,

Recently, there was a post on Facebook about one of the blog posts from this blog. Here is the quote:

“Wow. I just read possibly the most ignorant blog post ever. I'm all for sharing your opinion with anyone willing to listen, but please, for the betterment of humanity, please make sure you are relying on legit facts, not radical assumptions or inferences. Usually they are just comments made for ratings. And read over your post before you publish; it just does not help your case when you can't use proper grammer."

One of the things the Church of the FSM stands for is tolerance and empirical data to support our ideals. One of the 8 I'd Rather You Didn'ts of Pastafarianism is "I'd Really Rather You Didn't Act Like A Sanctimonious, Holier-Than-Thou Ass When Describing My Noodly Goodness. If Some People Don't Believe In Me, That's Okay. Really, I'm Not That Vain. Besides, This Isn't About Them So Don't Change The Subject."

Therefore, I will not comment further on the matter. Just know to all of you who follow the great FSM, you are not alone. I will continue to post further I'd Rather You Didn'ts so as to spread the good work of the FSM.

Until then, be well and go forth and plunder!!

The End or the Beginning?

Arg! I say to you,

These times are a dangerous for those who follow the FSM! As we continue through the new millineum, we are attacked in a nation of free religion! Piracy is considered a crime and the only pirates left are those that bootleg major motion pictures and/or attack US ships off the coast of Somolia!

Inspired by the FSM, I say we fight back! Let us rally! We must stand together and reclaim our rights. Let us set sail, away from these bigots and go out in search of the FSM.

He has spoken to me. He has told me of the time that he will appear before the masses, waving His appendages and whipping those that oppose Him. Global warming is merely the first example of His wrath. To follow will be famine and disease, wiping out all tomato plants and starving the world of unbelievers! Only those that keep Fridays holy and midgets (those most in favor) will be spared.

I say to you:

Keep to your loose moral standards

Only wear Pirate garb while spreading the word of the FSM

Keep Fridays holy and,

Above all, praise the midgets and mimic them that you might also gain the favor of the most holy and appendagy Flying Spaghetti Monster!

FSM Prophet

What is the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster?

The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM) is a peaceful, empirically proven religion that promotes scientific reason and explanation. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

There are a few premises to the church:

1. The Flying Spaghetti Monster is the Creator

2. Evolution is promoted and influenced by His appendages

3. No major wars have been fought in this religion's name

4. The FSM is invisible and influences all

5. It is a welcoming religion to anyone!

A few of the things that the FSM Church believes:

A. Every Friday is a Religious Holiday

B. Flimsy moral standards

C. Our heaven is WAY better. We’ve got a Stripper Factory AND a Beer Volcano

For more information about the Church of the FSM, please visit:

http://www.venganza.org/

FSM Prophet