On Knowledge

It has been a long while since His noodles extended forth and touched me. Feeling initially disheartened, and slightly hungry, I set out to embark on a mission to boil up some dinner. Desperately searching for food, mine eye was drawn to the most lovely of sites for a lowely Pirate on a budget: Ramen!

As I drew up the boil, I began to once again ponder the Universe. Twas then it happened.

I placed that beautiful bundle of noodles in the boil and was struck by a flying noodle as if He were reaching out like a small child (or Midget) to grab my attention.

My wandering thoughts immediately became cohesive and clear.

We live in an age of information and technology, often overlooking and forgetting our humble origins on the mountain. We have become accustomed to endless knowledge at our fingertips by simply typing the word "Google" into our devices.

Now my revelation!

The word "google" itself! Think about the letters and similarity between the words "google" and "noodle". It was as if I had finally found the answers to all the questions I had been pondering all these years! He, the FSM, had been guiding my quest for knowledge all along! From guiding me to my destinations in Noodle Maps on my cellular device, to giving me the phone number for my favorite restaurants.

The FSM had been there touching me and sharing His gift of knowledge the whole time.

On your next search, praise His name and thank Him for all He has shared with you.

Ramen!

May 21, 2011 Rapture

Arrgh I say unto you,

There have been rumors a flying about the upcoming Rapture of the Christians this Saturday, May 21st at 5:00 pm. I say that this is a joyous occasion. It is a symbol of freedom for FSM believers everywhere!

The FSM has decided, in His noodly wisdom, to finally rid us of those that would oppress true believers. Some would argue that this is proof of the Christian way. I say this is untrue. It is in fact the purge of non-believers that is up and coming. The FSM is taking those that do not follow him and putting them on some other carb-free planet so that both sides can finally live in peace and happiness. The Christians can live away from us, free to kiss their wooden Plus signs and we who follow the Pirate ways may eat (pasta), drink (grog) and be merry!

There is the question of the animals owned and oppressed by the Christians. Fear not! There is a way they can be safe. There is a company out there that promises to keep the animals left behind safe, following the true nature of Pastafarian charity: http://eternal-earthbound-pets.com/ .

If you happen to be Christian, and are concerned about what will happen to your beloved critter friends, there is help out there. Please visit the link above.

What a great day this is! I look forward to the separation of true believers in the ways of the FSM and those that follow Mr. Jesus.

RAMEN,

FSM Prophet

Happy Holiday

It is important that we remember what Fridays are all about. Fridays are holidays on which we are all supposed to remember our Pirate heritage. Grab your wench, and grog and drink like a Pirate as it is demanded by the FSM!

Do what you can to fight global warming by dressing and/or talking like a Pirate!

I did my part and was rewarded by the FSM when I proposed to my wench in full Pirate attire! She said yes and the FSM did touch us with hiis noodly appendage!

Arrrrgh!

Arrgh I say unto you!

Be one with the FSM! Eat up all your Ramen and grow closer to Him in His communion! He will take favor on you and guide you!

FSM Prophet

Happy Holiday everyone!!

Drink like a Pirate! Arrrgh!

FSM Prophet

December 21, 2012

Arrgh I say unto you!

By now, I'm sure you have heard about the Mayan Prophecies surrounding 2012. I have been doing some thinking regarding the issue, but first some background in case you are clueless as to the growing conspiracies surrounding the date.

The Mayan's were one of the first civilizations to develop an intricate and highly advanced calander system, based on star movements/patterns and generations of observations. They developed a short calander (based around the number 260) and a long calender. The Mayans had a very different opinion of time than we have grown to believe. As opposed to Western thought's linear progression of time, the Mayans believed time to be more cyclic, with the world and universe progression through a series of eras.

The Mayan long calender ends on the modern date of December 21, 2012 (the winter solstice). According to their predictions, the Earth and Sun will be in perfect alignment with the center of the Milky Way Galaxy on this date. Many have speculated that this will be the end of the world, while others have speculated that it will be a time of re-birth or a golden age of man.

I am here to set the record straight. The Mayans were correct. December 21, 2012 will be a significant date and a shift in the modern paradigm of the human condition. On this date, the Flying Spaghetti Monster, in His noodly glory, will descend upon the earth and appear before His subjects. At this time, those that have served Him by returning to their Pirate ways, will receive their noodly reward (specifically a luxury ship and many chests of booty to pass out to small children). Those that have been blind to the truth, will be convinced and repentant. They, now having converted to the truth, will serve as deck hands on above mentioned ships. They are not being punished, but rather converted.

Are you ready for 2012? Have you thought about the Truth? Do you want your own ship or to clean the decks of others? Now is the time to give yourself over to the FSM and become one of His beloved Pirates! Think about it...

FSM Prophet

Another "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"

Arrgh I say unto you!

As promised, I will go through another "I'd Really Rather You Didn't."

"6. I'd Really Rather You Didn't Build Multimillion-Dollar Churches/Temples/Mosques/Shrines To My Noodly Goodness When The Money Could Be Better Spent (Take Your Pick):

A. Ending Poverty

B. Curing Diseases

C. Living In Peace, Loving With Passion, And Lowering The Cost Of Cable"

The FSM believes in charitable action and encourages His subjects to act on those beliefs. Those who have should help the have-nots! After all, we are encouraged to behave more like the Pirates of old.

Pirates have always been well known for their charitable and philanthropic behavior. The first Pirates would often pass out candy to young children (a practice that led to the modern day Halloween) and would aid thy neighbor whenever possible. They believed in minding their own business, unless of course anothers business was "being in need," in which case the Pirates would share their booty.

Poverty and world hunger are a world problem that could easily be fixed with a good plate of pasta! In fact, these infomercials we see on television, talking about being able to feed a hungry kid for less than a dollar a day are lies. We could feed multiple children for a dollar a day (assuming we weren't paying for the money hungry CEO's of these "not-for-profits"). The going rate of Ramen Noodles is what, $0.16/meal? At that rate, we could feed 5 children for a dollar a day!!! 5!!!

I say unto you, being inspired by His Noodly Goodness, go forth and spread the wealth and donate a pack of Ramen noodles to these third-world countries and do your part to end world hunger. Take you're excess beer money and give these children some pasta goodness! Be like the Pirates of old and you will receive your reward from the FSM: ending global warming. For when you act like a Pirate, you become a Pirate, and the world temperature will drop accordingly.

FSM Prophet